Mass Readings Audio
https://bible.usccb.org/podcasts/audio/2020-12-27-usccb-daily-mass-readings
Feast of the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph – December 27, 2020
Merry Christmas and welcome to the one hundred and forty-fourth episode of By Your Life. I’m Lisa Huetteman and I know that you have a hundred different things you could be doing right now, so I thank you for choosing By Your Life.
My goal is to inspire, empower, support, challenge, and encourage you to connect Sunday, with Monday-Friday, in a secular business world. It’s my desire to help you live our Catholic faith in the marketplace. I hope to offer you practical ways to go forth and glorify the Lord by your life.
In this edition, we’ll reflect on the readings for the Feast of the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. (Year B) I was walking with a friend early one morning recently and she was sharing with me something that had happened in her family and commented on how dysfunctional her family was. She ranked them in the Top 10 of Dysfunctional Families. As she talked about the various characters she is related to and how each has their own ways of coping with life, she was making a good case for the rating. I wondered how she turned out so normal.
Then I thought about my extended family and my husband’s family, and while I wouldn’t rank us in the Top 10 for dysfunction, we do have our own characters who make our lives interesting. And what family doesn’t? There has only ever been one perfect family, and even those parents lost track of their child for three days. So, what makes a family normal?
Setting the Standard
I mentioned in last week’s episode of By Your Life that I was following the Advent Meditations with the Holy Family in Fr. Mark Toups’ book Rejoice. Throughout the four weeks, Fr. Toups guided me through a reflection of how Mary and Joseph loved each other. It was more than just a description of how they loved each other, it was an explanation of how they were able to love in that way. He wrote, “If we are not striving to love the way Mary and Joseph loved, what are we striving toward?” Good question!
Quoting from Christopher West’s book Theology of the Body Explained, Fr. Toups wrote, “Without reference to God’s original plan and its hope of restoration in Christ, people tend to accept discord…as ‘just the way it is.’ When we normalize our fallen state, it is akin to thinking it is normal to drive with flat tires. We intuit that something is amiss, but when everyone drives around in the same state, we lack a point of reference for anything different.”
Normalizing our fallen state is akin to thinking it is normal to drive with flat tires. ~ Christopher WestFr. Toups explained, “when we live our relationships with ‘flat tires,’ Mary and Joseph’s marriage, which definitely had ‘air’ in its ‘tires,’ seems odd, even impossible. But what if there was more? What if God wanted ‘air in your tires’?”
Raising the Bar
When I was in middle school, I went out for the track team. I’m not sure why because I’ve never been a fast runner. I guess the coaches realized that too and decided that since I was tall, I should try the high jump. In those days, they taught beginners the “Western Roll” technique to clear the bar, so that’s what I attempted to do. But one day in practice, I hit my ankle on the post that supports the crossbar and it hurt like heck. From then on, I was afraid to jump so my attempts at the Western Roll were abysmal. I don’t think I ever cleared it in practice.
Then we had our first and only track meet. Once, and then twice, I knocked the bar off. My goal was to miss three times so it would be over with. Much to my surprise, I cleared the bar on my third try. My coach was thrilled but I was not because now they would just raise the bar and I would have to attempt the jump three more times. Needless to say, I never cleared the bar again, but I had set my sights so low, that I wasn’t disappointed.
This event from my preteen years came to mind when reflecting on this meditation about how I lowered my expectations because I viewed anything better as impossible. But, what if there was more? What if God wanted more for me and for you? What if God wanted “air in our tires?”
Setting Our Sights Above the Bar
God does want air in our tires. But do we? I know that my coaches wanted me to clear that bar, but no matter how much they wanted that for me, it didn’t matter if I didn’t want it for myself. Unless I set my sights above the bar, unless I strived to clear it, I would never make it over.
Fr. Toups wrote that, “Mary and Joseph loved each other the way they did because of the standard to which they held themselves. Their depth and complete availability to God allowed them to believe that more was possible in their marriage. Therefore, the question for you is, ‘Do you believe more is possible for you?’ What is the standard for your personal holiness? What is the standard for your marriage or family or friendships?” Again, “If we are not striving to love the way Mary and Joseph loved, what are we striving toward?”
Setting the Standard in the Workplace
Those of you who know me or who have been following this blog know that I’m committed to help organizations cultivate a winning culture in their workplaces through values-centered leadership. When companies define their core values, they set the standards for how they expect everyone to behave, and then they strive to live by those standards. However, no matter how committed I am to help my clients create a winning culture, it will never happen if they are not committed too.
I’ve worked with clients who have made amazing transformations and I’ve worked with others who wasted a lot of time, energy, (and a little money,) and only made matters worse because they set the standard and then failed to live up to it. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not the fact that they failed that was the problem. The problem was that they accepted failure. They were no different than that middle school girl who accepted defeat in the high jump. When things got tough, they gave up.
We’ve all done this at some point and to some degree in our lives. How can we overcome this tendency? I think there are three lessons that I took away from my Advent Meditations with Fr. Toups that can help both personally and professionally.
Raise Your Standards
The first thing is to believe more is possible and raise your standards. Fr. Toups wrote, “It is okay if you don’t know how. The first step is admitting where you are and giving God the permission to raise your standards.”
One of the optional first readings for this Sunday was from the Book of Genesis where God promised Abram “I will make your reward very great.” (Gen 15:1), but Abram, who was childless in his old age didn’t believe more was possible and responded, “Look, you have given me no offspring, so a servant of my household will be my heir.” (Gen 15:3) But God wanted more for Abram and said, “No, that one will not be your heir; your own offspring will be your heir.” (Gen 15:4) And if that wasn’t enough, God raised the standards and “He took [Abram] outside and said: Look up at the sky and count the stars, if you can. Just so, he added, will your descendants be.” (Gen 15:5)
God wanted more for Abram, but Abram had to allow God permission. So, when “Abram put his faith in the LORD, who credited it to him as an act of righteousness.” (Gen 15:6), The LORD took note of Sarah as he had said he would;
he did for her as he had promised. (Gen 21:1)
Lesson #1: Admit where you are and give God permission to raise your standards.
Admit where you are and give God permission to raise your standards. ~ Fr. Mark Toups @ascensionpressMost often when I work with clients to define their core values, they recognize that the values they want to live by are not the values that currently guide their behavior. That’s okay. The first step is to admit where you are and then raise your standards.
Don’t Say No to Temptation
Once we raise our standards, Fr. Toups offered a second piece of advice that helps us deal with our tendency to fall back to lowering them. When we are tempted to accept living with “flat tires”, the answer is not to say “No!” to that temptation, but instead say “Yes!” to a life with inflated tires. In other words, don’t say no to what tempts you, say yes to the opposite instead.
Fr. Toups wrote, “Mary never sought anything that was “foreign” to God. Certainly, Mary was tempted by external factors, but she never gave in to these temptations. Thus, an essential aspect of Joseph’s love for her was protecting her from temptation… Every man—especially a husband or a father—is called to the ultimate battle of protecting his own purity and that of his family. In this battle, his strength is found in God’s grace and by the constant choice to say ‘yes’ to purity.” In other words, follow a continuous process of saying ‘yes’ to what you want.
Say Yes to Virtue
When I’m helping clients define their core values in terms of behaviors, we go through an exercise to clarify what living each value looks like. When, for example, they identify “respect” as a core value, they need to be clear about what behaviors do and what behaviors don’t demonstrate respect.
I did this exercise with one client and it became obvious that using the “F-bomb” when speaking to another person was not showing them respect. This was a big problem for them because the F-word flew around this company more frequently than “please” and “thank you.” But they knew it was a habit they would have to break if they were going to show respect to their fellow human beings. They had to choose to say “yes” to respect and leave the foul language behind.
Our second reading from St. Paul to the Colossians encourages us to say “yes” to several virtues. St. Paul writes, “Put on, … heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another.” (Col 3:12) All of our relationships, in our families and at work, will benefit from more compassion, more kindness, more humility, more gentleness, more patience, and more forgiveness, don’t you think?
Put on … heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another. ~ Col 3:12If so, putting on these virtues is a process of saying “yes” to compassion instead of indifference. We must continuously say “yes” to kindness instead of cruelty. We must choose to say “yes” to humility instead of pride and constantly say “yes” to gentleness instead of harshness. Always say “yes” to patience instead of irritation. And a nonstop decision to say “yes” to forgiveness instead of holding a grudge.
Saying yes to virtue keeps your focus on what you are striving for. Saying yes is a choice to pursue something more.
Lesson #2: Constantly say yes to the higher standard.
God Wants to Help
If all of this seems difficult, it is. But let’s go back to the first point. Do we just give up because living a life of virtue is impossible? Fr. Toups writes, “We may feel intimidated by the standard to which [Mary and Joseph] held themselves or to love as they did…. Here’s the good news. God wants to help you. The only way Mary was able to say “yes” to God and to live her life the way she did was with his grace.” The same was true for Joseph. But, as Fr. Toups continued, “God longed for their holiness. God was eager to help.” God was eager to help them and he is eager to help you and me too. He offers us his grace which alone makes holiness possible.
Lesson #3: God wants to help.
So, let’s ask him in prayer. But before we do, let’s make sure to raise our standards. Let’s not just strive for to be good, let us strive for holiness.
Come Holy Spirit and breathe in us, so that our thoughts may all be holy. Act in us, O Holy Spirit, that our work, too, may be holy. Draw our heart, O Holy Spirit, that we love only what is holy. Strengthen us, O Holy Spirit, to defend all that is holy, and guide us, O Holy Spirit, so that we may always be holy.
May God bless you abundantly this week and may you glorify the Lord by your life.
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